


It's a sin (English Version)

by vl_introspective_88



Category: Pet Shop Boys
Genre: Catholicism, First Love, Gen, Guilt, It's A Sin, sin - Freeform, youngboy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22975417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vl_introspective_88/pseuds/vl_introspective_88
Summary: A eleven-year-old boy named Neil Tennant feels guilty for the thoughts that have begun to come to his mind. He cries uncontrollably, thinking that his soul will go to hell if he lets his true feelings become real.Everything it's a sin...
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	It's a sin (English Version)

**Author's Note:**

> Fictional story set in the 60's

Tears kept gushing out of his dark blue eyes, he couldn't even control his own breathing. He just wanted to believe that that moment had been a forbidden fantasy that was never going to happen: a simple utopia. But no, it became real that afternoon, in the school's bicycle shed. That boy from the other classroom had grabbed his hand and his clear sky eyes fixed on him, which caused his heart to lose a beat. And he heard him saying: "I love you, Neil Tennant." Anything he would have done to receive a kiss at the same time!! He wished he had enough courage to shorten the distance and stamp his lips on his.

Now, terror had invaded every part of his body, making him tremble from head to toe as if he had just left a lake during a night of icy breeze.

"Homosexuals", that was a word that referred to sick people because of their same-sex attraction. The word his father used to refer to those men who walked differently from the rest or wore those colorful and tight clothes. Those men who kissed other men. They were bad, they were immoral. They went against the laws of the Lord. They had reserved places in the darkness of hell.

"I don't want to go to hell, I don't want to go there ... No, no, no ..." Neil was only an eleven-year-old boy combined with the fact that curiosity was already manifesting in him. A curiosity that slowly peeked through the threshold between childhood and adolescence: patient, expectant, ready to make him feel that his body became more complex and impure. Everything he was living was a sin.

It's a sin.

"I'm sick ..." he thought through repressed sobs, even though he was unable to keep the recent memory away. Much of him did not want to, it was what he had expected so much since he had first seen him in the schoolyard. He wanted to treasure the moment in the depths of his heart, take care of it to preserve it for life. However, that fragment became increasingly "dirty," "disgusting", unfit for a child whose family went to church every Sunday to hear the mass. It was already midnight, tranquility reigned in his house, the last thing that he needed was to wake his brothers, sister and his parents with his whining. He knelt in front of his bed, with hands clasped, staring at the crucifix nailed to the wall.

"God, please, I don't want my parents to hate me. Please, heal me of this, I don't want to, I don't want to feel it anymore ...", he believed that that omnipotent being would take away all those unnatural thoughts he had about that child who had declared his most sincere feelings to him, the one who had sworn his eternal love before Neil began to run terrified by all the emotions that had attacked him ...

What if someone in the family had seen them? Would your parents apply the worst punishment? Was there salvation for him ...?

He closed his eyes tightly and opened them again. He sat up silently and got under the blankets of the bed. Not even the soft touch of the lavender scented blankets soothed him. If he tried to sleep, in his dreams he would see him again, he would meet that boy again and he would kiss him with all his might, until both of his breath was short and his cheeks became as red as the dress that his sister Susan kept deep inside her closet.

"I just want to be normal," thought the blue-eyed boy.

If only he could ask his parents to move him from school, but the school year was already advanced to do that. Besides, they would deny it without even thinking twice.

"It's a very prestigious school, Neil. Be proud to attend there." Those were his father's words before leaving him in front of the large building of St. Cubert’s Grammar School on the first day.

He only wished that the years would pass quickly, that what would torment him from that day would vanish like the mist on a sunny day.


End file.
